Today I took my BTLPT (that is bilingual target language proficiency test for those of you who didn't know *I didn't at first*) My college degree is in bilingual education but I can't actually teach in a Spanish bilingual classroom until after I get certified. That entails passing three different tests. I have passed one. This test has 4 parts and to pass I have to get 80% on each section. There is no way I passed. I think I did well on the listening, reading, and writing parts, but I don't think I did well on the speaking part. Normally, I would be really upset about this, but I am feeling really peaceful actually. I realize that I did what I could do and the rest is up to God.
Last night was a totally different story though. I was still awake at midnight due to my anxiety and OCD. You see, when I get nervous about something it manifests itself in my OCD symptoms, mostly by checking on my three dogs every few minutes obsessively to make sure they haven't gotten out. So guess what I was doing when I should have been sleeping? Worrying and checking. I conciously know that it is silly. My checking on them is just a way that I try to have control over something when I feel out of control, but I do it anyway. That feeling is what gave me the inspiration for this blog. I struggle with remembering that although I am out of control, my God is always in control.
I was reminded of this again as I was leaving the parking lot to go to my testing room. I ran into a man that I know from church. I told him how nervous I was and he took my hand and prayed with me. It was so comforting. I felt closer to God in that moment than I have in months. Hope this lifts you up too.
Out of Control and Loving it for Once
*Kaylee*
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