Confession

   I was reading an amazing book the other night by Lori Wick (an amazing Christian Fiction writer) called The Princess. I have read this book multiple times but haven't read it in a while. There is one section where the female lead says something along the lines of "That's when I realized that worrying is a sin. Worrying is like saying 'I don't trust you with this, God'." At first that made me really angry. I have an anxiety disorder and OCD. How can I be blamed for that? And then I started to think about the difference between depression and a pity party. A lot of people think that depression is just feeling sad. Not true. The only way I can think to explain it is as a physical reaction to external/internal circumstances. Just like there is a difference between depression and sadness, there is a difference between anxiety and worrying.
   Anxiety, like depression, is a physical reaction. It is heart racing, palms sweating, and high blood-pressure. Worrying is allowing yourself to spend thoughts and energy on something you can't control. That is when I realized that I have been using my anxiety and OCD as an excuse to worry. I don't trust God with the things I worry about. That is not ok.
   I spend a lot of time trying to convince myself and everyone around me that although I may not be perfect, I am pretty darn close. I look around and say at least I don't do this and this or at least I haven't done that. The truth is I am a sinner. I sin on a regular business and it is not ok for me to over look that or make excuses.
   It is time for me to make a conscious effort to put a stop to my judgemental attitude and not trusting God with those really important things. I also need to apologize for not being the Christian woman that I should be. Hopefully, things will get better and I will see a positive change myself. Maybe I will start blooming like the flowers in my garden.